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New Age Crap

So just what is “New Age” (rhymes with Sewage) stuff, anyways? It all seems to differ between one group and the next, even though these guys all preach the same treacly sweetness and light goop with all of the usual buzzwords: “auras,” “enlightenment,” “purification,” and so on. Some of these guys claim to be religious, while other claim to be “scientists.” They do have several things in common, however, from the glassy-eyed zoned-out smiles to the fact that they're all peddling recycled bullshit.

Academy of Remote Viewing

  • Just like in the military, you can project your consciousness thousands of miles away!

Celibacy, Meditation and Enlightenment

  • Cock-a-mamie (yes, that's a pun), lame anti-women hatred with a Buddhist New Age sheen to cover this guy's mental blinders.

Convergence Conspiracy Collective

  • High-minded spiritual musicians and performance artists who get together to jam four times a year.


  • A hokey Indian-based (India the country, that is) amalgamation of Buddhism and Christianity.

Frederick Lenz, a.k.a. Zen Master Rama

Gentle Wind Project

  • Manufacturer of Holy Healing Hockey Pucks!

Global Orgasm

  • A movement to change the world by having sex every December 22.


  • Shamanic Priestess who will clear your house by TELEPHONE for just $250!

"My mother was my sister"

  • …and other amusing musings from reincarnationism believers.

Positive Life Center

  • Massage away that nasty negative energy.

Psi-Lord: The HyperSite

  • Get your very own psychic power crystals and rings, just like Green Lantern.

Psychic Twins

  • A pair of cute psychic women who claim to have predicted the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.

Prem Rawat

  • If “enlightenment” means peace and love and understanding, then why do these guys attack their critics?

Real Wishes

  • New Age dreams boiled down to a simple idea: pay these guys enough money and your wish will come true.

Sai Baba

Sylvia Browne

  • One of the most famous celebrity psychics around.

The Seventh Fire

  • A generic mish-mash of “herbal” therapies and conspiracy theories.

Transcendental Meditation

  • The biggest and most famous of the New Age celebrity cults.


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new_age_crap.txt · Last modified: 2011/10/16 12:57 (external edit)