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What is the Church of the SubGenius?

Dobbs Eruption FIXME

Click the Face of Dobbs to watch a SubGenius TV commercial. FIXME

(NOTE: the following text was retrieved from the archive of the now defunct “First Online Church of “Bob””.)

Official Home Page of the Church of the SubGenius:

For years I knew about the existence of the Conspiracy, but I didn't really give it much thought until I started college. Up until that time, I had been a victim of the Conspiracy's persecution. I was a shy, weak, mumbling nerd, too afraid to actively seek out a better way of life and too anal-retentive to see how many of those problems were my own fault. (I'm still seeking to overcome those problems, but with “Bob's” help I believe I've made progress.)

Rick Dagwan's teachings were an eye-opener, for they made me sit up and see how obvious it all is. YES! The Slack-destroying messages of the Conspiracy are bombarding us nonstop, and the only way we will realize this and combat it is by WAKING PEOPLE UP and making them realize how their minds are being controlled! But though I learned of the existence of the Conspiracy, I wasn't sure how to fight it. They are legion, and They are powerful; I'm small and weak. The faulty efforts to keep Rick from being kicked out of Emerson made me realize how total the Conspiracy's control is, and how I needed spiritual guidance. That guidance couldn't come from Christianity (I had been a confirmed Roman Catholic), because Christianity is just another tool of the CON. (Christianity would have you follow “God's” word without question, and in turn you would have to accept the words of the priests, cardinals and Pope without question, such as “homosexuality is a sin, abortion is murder, sex is evil.”)

And so, my great revelation came when “Bob” chose to reveal his existence to me, through the Preacher Creature and Buck-a-book! I became a SubGenius minister because I saw that “Bob” was right, and that his cause was the SAME cause I wanted to follow.

At this point, I must explain my conversion to “Bob” to you by revealing one of the most closely guarded secrets of the Church of the SubGenius:

Either you're a SubGenius, or you're not.

I was NOT “converted” by “Bob,” and my thinking has not changed. All of my beliefs now are the same as before I found “Bob.” The Church of the SubGenius is NOT a “new” way of thinking; rather, it's a confirmation of THE WAY YOU ALREADY THINK.

Most people don't understand us, because they don't have the Slack to be able to look past our facade and see the truth that is “Bob.” We WANT it to be that way! Reverend Ivan Stang explained the allure of the Church to the press in a TV interview, where he said, “People look at us and they say, 'Oh, I see, this is a spoof on weird cults.' Then they look deeper and they say, 'Oh, I get it, this really IS a weird cult that I've been needing all my life!' And that's usually when they write their first check.”

That is the truth of the Church of the SubGenius: its members have ALWAYS been SubGenii…they just didn't realize it until they found “Bob!”

With that in mind, you may realize that the Church of the SubGenius is not for you…because, in fact, you may merely be a HUMAN.

Yes, that's right - SubGenii aren't even human! That's why we're superior to everyone else, and that's why we can reject the programming of the CONSPIRACY!

But that's just the tip of the iceberg. The TRUTH about Slack and the great J.R. “Bob” Dobbs can be found with in the many Sacred Prescriptures of the SubGenius…such as the SubGenius Online Pamphlet.

CLICK HERE to read a Webberized version of the SubGenius Online Pamphlet, which has been floating around the Net for years. It's served as an introduction to the Church of the SubGenius for many enlightened Netizens...but it's barely the tip of the iceberg of the strange and unusual pamphlets available from the Church. BE WARNED! The secrets revealed here may shock or offend you.


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what_is_the_church_of_the_subgenius.txt · Last modified: 2011/10/16 12:57 (external edit)